@BigHeb7: Free advice: Saying "meaty shaft" in a corporate meeting is like saying bomb on an airplane.
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@SteussieErica: Parenting: 1st kid: Document their every move 2nd kid: forget to pick them up 99% of the time
@Dani_Feld: I walked into a room full of men and they couldn't stop staring at me. Oh...wrong toilets.
@Deirdreocx: [First date] "So, do you have any pets?" Yeah, I have a pet crow. He's white. "You have an albino crow?" He prefers the term cawcasian.
@Fred_Delicious: "Hi yes I'd like to attempt the Cheeseburger challenge" "Very good sir" [ripped as hell cheeseburger runs out of the kitchen & bodyslams me]