@BigHeb7: Free advice: Saying "meaty shaft" in a corporate meeting is like saying bomb on an airplane.
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@Reverend_Scott: Dr: He has a lot of blockage "So my Dad has a bad heart?" Dr: He also donates to charity "So he has a good heart?" Dr: Ya, it evens out
@GreenishDuck: Next time you're having a bad day just remember that alligators spend their whole lives looking like they're trying to do a push-up.
@LOVELADONNIS: Woman on the plane just asked her crying son "are you gonna be a gangsta or a crybaby" I'm like damn are these the only options?