@TheWadest: FREE IDEA: a tanning salon called "Turn Brown For What."
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@MUMSIEesq: Fun DIY Project Even YOU Can Do Step 1: Flip over empty wine bottle Step 2: Use base as weapon
@SaltyCorpse: I have to go watch my kid in a math competition and I just don't understand why Jesus has forsaken me like this.
@FancyNancyAnn: I hate when I drop my chili cheese dog in my car and then I have to eat my whole car.
@JillianKarger: [Rose from Titanic teaching her kid to ride a bike] *holding back of seat* I'll never let go [2 seconds later] *lets go*