@TheTweetOfGod: Free will is good, but free pizza is better.
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@thewordy: boys love mysterious girls so don't be afraid to show up to dates with a shovel and a smear of fresh blood on your collar
@junejuly12: Keep microwaving fish in the office and stop wondering why you never get a desk by the windows.
@ImSoFrancis: [if my brain were a computer] uhg why's the calculator app being so slow *closes math tab to reveal 53 other tabs all playing cottoneye joe*
@fro_vo: Me: what do you get when you cross a bear with a shark My Dog: bark Me: wait henry don't give it away