@TheTweetOfGod: Free will is good, but free pizza is better.
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@vineyille: "Food expiration dates are lies. It's all about control." My knife breaks as I cut into a plate of milk. "I'm saving this for later."
@KevinFarzad: I love how women always smell good, and can complete you, and are sometimes wrapped in tinfoil. Wait, that's a burrito. I love burritos.
@thetits: [Later, Snake sees a Lizard] Snake (to God): DUDE! Seriously?? *God and Lizard high-five, adding insult to injury*
@samalmightysam: Maybe Hitler became evil because he was mad that after so many years of lifting his hand nobody high fived him.