@Sassafrantz: Friday always feels like Wile E. Coyote running off the cliff and Monday is when he looks down.
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@gabeserra: My 3 yr old puts himself in timeout whenever he doesn't want to do something we ask him to. Pretty sure he just beat the system.
@charmfoz: If you have 6+ numbers after your name as part of your Twitter handle I can only assume you're an inmate & tweeting from prison.
@Vinnie_Maselli: [holds up bread] "This is my body" [holds up wine] "this is my blood" [holds up puppy] "and this is my new pet" [apostles go fricken nuts]
@SteelFontana: When you have "very happily married" in your bio, we read that as "DM me about my other secret account 'cause my spouse watches this one."