@KenJennings: Friday night is my weekly time to ponder...which do I hate more: my friends, or having to make new friends?
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@jergarl: Wife: What ARE you doing? Me: [pelvic thrusting around the kitchen] Gettin jiggy wit it what's it look like? W: Making the dog nervous.
@SatansTongue: Tv: The abominable snowman is very dangerous "Obamanible snowman...?" *obama walks in* Everything okay joe? *nervously* "Uh yeah just fine"
@RealCarrotFacts: Putting a carrot next to you in bed can almost fill the space where Megan used to slep
@Bownuggets: Hate it when we run out of clean towels so I have to ride my white stallion Gregory up and down the driveway real fast to dry my mullet