@KenJennings: Friday night is my weekly time to ponder...which do I hate more: my friends, or having to make new friends?
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@WheelTod: I was born a woman, which came as a tremendous shock to my parents as they'd been expecting a baby.
@AudreyPorne: him: I wish you'd talk more during sex. me: Okay. [during sex] me: cats have 32 muscles in each ear him: please don't speak
@Brampersandon_: [soup kitchen] *homeless man is handed a plate* What the hell is this? -Turkey bacon. *throws tray against wall* I'm hungry! Not desperate!