@zachreinert03: Did you guys know on average 3 confused cannibals get punched in the face a year because they say yes to wanting a knuckle sandwich

@HomeProbably: It's amazing what happens when you take a little time to get to know someone. They become even more annoying.

@gitson_shiggles: If people on Twitter found a horses' head in their bed at least 3/4 of them would get a selfie with it before calling the cops.....

@amishschool: My son, 5, scared of the thunder. I told him that was silly considering the sun could explode any day, killing us all. Think that helped.

@SteveKoehler22: Our son came home one day with a note from his first grade teacher: Your son bit another boy today. Is he getting enough to eat at home ?