@Maxine12333: Friend gave me a 'stress' ball to squeeze when I'm tense. Did what I always do when nervous, I ate it.
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@NickBossRoss: You legally aren't married until someone says, "haha but seriously" in their wedding speech.
@WilliamAder: Do people really expect to have a satisfying experience on a website that ends with ".gov"?
@FunkyFresh_79: [on a first date] Ok, don't let her know you're really a squirrel... Her: I had a great time, good night! Me: *runs in front of her car