@CruisinSoozan: When the cashier at PetSmart asked me for my phone number I said it loud enough for the hot guy behind me in line to hear. I might have repeated it.

@TheCatWhisprer: WIFE: so what do you want for christmas? ME: [thinking about a bed made out of lasagna and instead of kicking off the sheets at night i eat a layer of noodles] oh probably some tools

@GrillinChillin9: Word of the Day: No Please use it in a sentence: No.

@badbanana: No thanks, Trix cereal. I have enough drama in my life without a rabbit trying to steal my breakfast.

@AmericanGent69: Me: I'm nervous for my date. Friend: Just exaggerate to impress her {during date} Her: What's something you're proud of? Me: I invented milk