@chimneyspotter: You cause one minor incident at a museum and everyone is "Irreplaceable Egyptian mummy" this and "Could have used regular toilet paper" that

@jenyb4: Um, hi. How much is the rent for this amazing apartment? Ma'am, this is the wine aisle of the grocery store.

@Henry_3k: *Goes back in time to kill the inventors of Twitter. Returns home to amaze friends on Facebook with endless jokes about vodka & pizza.*

@marcusparkersol: Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels?

@NymphoFor: Little do you know that in my head I've already married you, divorced you, and hidden your body.