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@mostlysharks: friend: why did you take up running?
me: *really wants to catch an ostrich* no reason
@decentbirthday: [first day in hell]
hostess: welcome to hell. please take a seat
waiter: *pouring wine* your steak will be out shortly, sir
me: wow this isn’t so bad
group of waiters approaching in distance: happpppy bir-
@nPhelendriqal: No autocorrect, I don't want to bang a bunch of hot chimps.
@omgShutUpDon: Okay this is a quality meme
@Jamdug: I like Horror Movies for the first 20 minutes when everyone is just hanging out and having a good time.
@oakhillbargrill: Wife: Did you pay the mortgage yet?
Me: Do you think surfers in India are called Hindudes?
Communication is hard