@michaelianblack: Friends and lovers may come and go but allergies are forever.
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@BFNotAllowed: My boyfriend isn't allowed to break up with me. You wanna see other people? Look out the window.
@24HourBitching: Having to share a room with your spouse is absolute nonsense. Even kids get their own rooms...
@thepunningman: Remember, you are statistically more likely to be killed by a donkey than a plane crash. [Donkey Pilot turns and does throat slit gesture]
@TheMichaelRock: Breaking News: Radio Shack is closing 1,100 stores nationwide. Even Breakier News: I can't believe there's 1,100 Radio Shack's.