@novicefather: Friends don't let friends have friends. Be a friend, don't be a friend.
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@SortaBad: I bet kangaroos get drunk and find some ridiculous shit in their pouches in the morning.
@eddiesnextwife: Because you crave something doesn't mean it's good for you. Every time my husband opens his mouth about politics I crave instant death.
@iamburtjarvis: her: what r u doing? me: taking a photo of a glass of tap water on snapchat & see if they have- her: oh god me:-a water filter.
@boogersincoffee: i hate when you google stuff like 'insidious' it gives you the definition but when you google 'butt' it doesn't. define butt for me damn it