@jwoodham: "Friends" ended 10 years ago today, but thanks to television, "me having friends" ended long before that.
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@sixfootcandy: Me:*Gently nudges your arm* Would you like to be my Valentine? Doctor: Can we discuss this after your colonoscopy?
@GibJimson: Assert your dominance by crossing out your coworkers name on their food and put your own. Then eat it in front of them.