@jwoodham: "Friends" ended 10 years ago today, but thanks to television, "me having friends" ended long before that.
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@SarcasticAlly12: God, designing a toddler: ya know what would be hilarious would be if it has no ability to reason but talks nonstop. Also make it trip a lot
@twelveyearsold: i was just roughed up by a hipster bully. he gave me a knuckle sandwich, but also offered a gluten free alternative
@pattonoswalt: Hey Ben Carson, at this point in your craziness? Just say you're Iron Man. What could it hurt?