@itsa_talia: friendship on fleek
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@jordanalexissss: sober in uber: please stop talking to me drunk in uber: ...and that Mike, is why I'm emotionally unavailable I suppose.
@Papa_Mex: When a coworker pisses me off, I like to write his name down for 23 boxes of girl scout cookies on the form in the break room
@Cyd10e: 9 year-old attempts to follow a recipe: "It says here to separate the eggs. How far apart do they have to be?"
@MavenofHonor: [during lull in conversation] maybe people who say the earth is flat are thinking of maps