@TheDairylandDon: From a shark's perspective, Jaws is a lot like Home Alone.
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@ericonederful: I finally had the talk with my kids. I told them that in the wild animals eat their young so they better get their shit together.
@atDevin: I just read a story about someone finding a dead body at a Walmart. HOW EMBARRASING, I'd never be caught dead at a Walmart.
@DanMentos: [spelling bee] "your word is... death" can you use it in a sentence? "in most states, yes"
@DaHess1: Whenever someone dies they always tell me God called them home so that's why I'll never give Jesus my real phone number.