@illTortuga: From now on, when you see the word "minimum", good luck trying to not imagine a tiny British mother.
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@AndrewNadeau0: ME: The cupboard keeps opening HANDYMAN: I see why M: Ghosts? H: ...This screw's loose M: Right... But where would ghosts get a screwdriver?
@bobbiejo448: Marijuana does have an adverse effect on my spelling skills. It's to the point that Google even knows when I'm high.
@Pro_Jones_: Me: Mozart was a great composer, but now that he's dead he's a great Wife: I swear to God I'll divorce you Me: *through tears* Decomposer.
@shutupmikeginn: My "Not involved in human trafficking" T-shirt has people asking a lot of questions already answered by my shirt.