@DevilryFun: From the looks of your eyebrows, your shock collar must have malfunctioned.
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@nbadag: [me as a passenger on the titanic] oh ewww are there olives in this salad? YOU be quiet lillian, i swear this trip cannot possibly get worse
@AnkCoupleTO: Picking a Xmas gift for your wife is hard, so I've decided to deplete our bank account, fake my own death & move to Thailand She'll love it
@Shut_up_Marissa: In sign language, the story of my life can be told through a series of facepalms.