@SarahKSilverman: From what I can piece together, this Pitbull character enjoys "partying"
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@Home_Halfway: Writing "Omg you guys are still friends after what she said about you???" on every group photo of girls I see on Instagram
@NintenDom: Just so we're all clear: NASA is getting a direct feed from a robot on Mars, but I still can't make a cell phone call from my basement.
@JeannieG40: Relationship status: Sitting in Home Depot parking lot, car hood open, and asking men if they can jump me.