@JGrumbie: Fully clothed mom just waded into the pool to grab her devil spawn child that was ignoring her. She's my new favorite.
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@iwearaonesie: wife: We really need to start teaching 9 some manners me: *shoving an entire Pop-Tart in my mouth and spitting crumbs everywhere* I agree
@HeidiCF8: Hell hath no fury like your kid catching you throwing away anything, EVER. I smuggle out broken crayons like a mexican drug lord.
@pleatedjeans: Interviewer: I don't see a phone # for your reference Me: he is a duck I feed bread to at the park you will have to speak to him directly
@JoshontheGo: I'm at my most "penguin", when I'm walking to get more toilet paper with my shorts around my ankles.