@huntigula: Fun bible fact: No records exist of Jesus' life from age 12 to 30 because he was backpacking across Europe with his pet Pterodactyl
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@Rollinintheseat: [blind date] Him: "I'm a big Beethoven fan." ME *trying to impress him* "Saint Bernards are my favorite dog breed."
@thatdutchperson: [Person who spends 20 hours per week in the gym] "The trick is to drink 8 glasses of water a day."
@OBiiieeee: Cop: where ya headed? "the gym" Cop: im gonna save you a lot of embarrassment and arrest you "thank you so much, officer"