@kelkulus: Fun Christmas Trivia: "Myrrh" is the awkward sound you make when you look at your bank balance on Dec 26th.
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@jake_likes_naps: [in hospital] son: what happened dad me: bar fight son: over what? me: he said... *clenches fists* he said Zelda is a boy
@quikkim: If I was named Edward Normus, I'd use my first name's initial and my last name as much as I possibly could.
@juliussharpe: If Mary Poppins floated in on an umbrella today, they'd shoot her out of the sky with a drone.
@DevilryFun: Looking back, my financial health took a turn for the worse right after I broke my piggy bank.