@kelkulus: Fun Christmas Trivia: "Myrrh" is the awkward sound you make when you look at your bank balance on Dec 26th.
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@Tommytoughstuff: *Puts air guitar back in air case* "Listen if you wanted a "real guitarist" maybe you should put that in the ad!"
@Real_Dick_Head: *gets first nose bleed since childhood* Apparently our periods have synced, can I have some Midol and a tampon?
@MelvinofYork: My wife says "Don't walk away when I'm talking to you" when 1. she's not talking, she's yelling, and 2. I'm not walking away, I'm retreating
@Brianhopecomedy: My 4 year old and I are having an argument. I'm telling him that he is making me late for work and he's telling me that he is Batman.