@Ideal_Victoria: Fun Fact: If someone’s car alarm keeps going off, you’re legally obligated to set the car on fire.
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@SmartassChef: Nothing freaks me out like when I'm ordering from a Chinese restaurant and I ask "What kind of meat is that?" and they answer "yes"
@liv_thatsme: We desperately need something to unite humanity. No, not love or compassion. I'm talking about a full scale alien attack.
@NewDadNotes: Jehovahs Witnesses: do you have time to talk about our lord and savior? Me: of course! please come in! [door slams shut and locks] [lights dim] [my PowerPoint presentation begins] Me: but first I wanna tell you about a timeshare opportunity!!!