@MrDelFreaky: Fun Fact: If you lie down in an aisle at Walmart for a couple hours, they will tag you and put you in a clearance bin.
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@Jmboyd58: *driving my date to the ER* I told you my possum doesn't like direct eye contact. This one is on you.
@omically: a 3-way standoff between a duck with a laser pointer, a cat with a vacuum cleaner, and a dog with a loaf of bread
@Mr_Kapowski: Grandma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer is my favorite song about how to incorrectly deal with the loss of a loved one during the holiday
@_NTFG_: People say love is the best feeling in the world, but I think finding a toilet when you have diarrhea is better.