@MrDelFreaky: Fun Fact: If you lie down in an aisle at Walmart for a couple hours, they will tag you and put you in a clearance bin.
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@tastefactory: I left a trail of rose petals leading to the bed and on the bed was a note that said "This is what happens to roses who cross me"
@xLiserx: People who buy copious amounts of everything before a blizzard: Is there nothing in your house every other day of the year?
@dave_cactus: [sign outside butcher shop: POLISH SAUSAGES - ASK US] ME: Yes, I'm here about the sausage polishing job?
@Thomas_Lull: Life is like a box of condoms. If you don't use one, you never know what you're goin get.