@sdurbin23: Fun fact: Taking a box of condoms to the pharmacist's window and asking for the fitting room will get you thrown out of Target.
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@jonnysun: "911 wats ur emergency" hi-- huh? um-- so, uh-- ah. oh geez. well im only just now realizimg that the girl at the bar gave me a fake number
@TonyWIVK: BREAKING: Cat inherits $300,000 from former owner. The cat has requested the money in cash so he can push it off a table.
@ThaJawn: *googles murder tips *adds "asking for a friend" at the end of each search They won't be able to prove a thing! *evil cackles
@SteveKoehler22: When your wife asks you to dig a hole for her shrub- She'll feel threatened if you make it large enough to hold a body. I know this now.