@1Tortured_soul: Fun fact: The average Canadian swallows eight moose per year in their sleep.
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@WorIdComedy: mom: why is there a Hispanic man climbing our balcony me: he is my romeo & I am his Juliet mom: (._. ) me: I'm just kidding call the cops
@Bownuggets: HOT LOCAL MOMS IN YOUR AREA ARE WAITING TO TUCK U IN & WILL BE CHECKING THAT TOOTHBRUSH SO GET IN THERE & DO IT RIGHT MISTER
@oakhillbargrill: Son: I'm addicted to morphing Dad: Oh God no, are you smoking it, injecting it? Son: No Dad,not Morphine Dad: what? Son: *turns into bat