@1Tortured_soul: Fun fact: The average Canadian swallows eight moose per year in their sleep.
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@squirrel74wkgn: As I exposed my glorious chest hairs & catapulted toward the Velcro wall, I realized that I had no exit strategy.
@StevieKnip: lawyer talking under his breath: "guiltypeoplesaywhat?" suspect: what? lawyer: no further questions your honor
@UnFitz: Her: You ate that entire bag of fried cheese snacks? Him: Thought you said they were baked. Her: I said YOU were baked.