@onelongbender: Fun Fact: When the bartender asks if you want two or three fingers, he isn't always talking about the liquor.
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@GrantTanaka: son: hey dad me: [picks up phone, dials 9] yes son: now don’t get mad me: [dials 1] ok son: do we have a fire extinguisher me: [dials 1]
@Home_Halfway: ROOMMATE: Hank is coming by later ME: Cannibal Hank or Pastry-Loving Hank? [From outside] HEY ANYBODY WANNA EAT A DANISH ROOMMATE: Yeah I don't know man
@kevinseccia: I'm against the marriage of anyone whose first instinct is to film and then show the world their elaborate proposal.
@tomwalkerisgood: As his name is not "Biggest Bird", we are to understand that Sesame Street is home to at least one, perhaps more, truly immense unseen birds