@onelongbender: Fun Fact: When the bartender asks if you want two or three fingers, he isn't always talking about the liquor.
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@novixv: [Plane starts to go down] *Frantically shoves an entire bag of Life Savers Gummies™ into my mouth*
@AlmightyBored: You never see zombies lying around being lazy, so maybe we should EMBRACE the possibility of a zombie apocalypse. I think it could turn some of us into real go-getters.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: [Batman at McDonald's] What's your chicken sandwich called? -A McChicken And the rib? -A McRib [pulls out his batwallet] I like your style.
@sarcasm_inc: Batman pushes a batcuffed Joker thru the crowd. "Look! Hahaha!" yells the Joker. Batman glances up at the jumbotron. GODDAMN the kiss cam.