@rpbateman: Fun Fact: When you die, someone will feel inconvenienced that your funeral is on a particular day. lol
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@RidiculousSheri: Yelp Review: Babies Cute at first, but then screamy like angry pterodactyls. There is literally poop everywhere. Would not recommend.
@AbbyHasIssues: The only way an adult coloring book could help calm my stress is if it was somehow edible.
@shegotagronk: Complimented Taylor Swift on her shirt yesterday and now she's in a tree outside my window with a guitar and a wedding dress. Send.Help.Now.
@SprtsHumor: Experts determine Super Bowl blackout was an electrical issue, also determine grass has a green issue.