@dafloydsta: Fun game: if someone wants to shake your hand, sniff your fingers first and then see if they still want to.
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@zolofighter: " Wife: there is a man at the door with a mustache. Husband: tell him i've already got one. "
@Bry_Mac: An interracial couple eating Cheerios and non-English speakers drinking Coke. We're a Benghazi pizza commercial away from a Texas secession.
@iwearaonesie: 9: What are you going to be for Halloween dad? me: Drunk 9: What's mom gonna be? me: Mad
@SteveKoehler22: A young musician left his priceless Stradivarius violin on a train in Germany. But it was returned... no strings attached. Wait...what ?