@OfficialBabyGal: Fun game: Take pictures with your camera sound turned up when someone comes into the bathroom stall next to yours.
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@causticbob: I was kicked out of a strip club last night for throwing twenty quid at one of the strippers. Ok, I admit it was in pound coins.
@SortaBad: [Trump speaking at rally] I love this country. I love America. I love singing the *looks at smudged writing on hand* Strawbangled Panther
@ericsshadow: GUY: my new boss is gay ME: my new bed sheets are warm GUY: [clearly frustrated] what does that have to do with anything? ME: exactly
@Shot_Of_Cabo: Cop 1: Where did you come from? Cop 2: Where did you go? Cotton Eyed Joe: I want a lawyer.