@RdrJay47: Fun new prank: Walk into a busy restaurant and call out the name of a rare Pokémon.
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@Shade510: Daughter has prom tomorrow so I’ve been practicing my “Menacing Dad Face” all day....so far I’ve had a colleague offer me Tums.
@tnylgn: I'm not afraid to die, I'm afraid my friends will give me the funeral I told them I wanted when I was drunk.
@Dutch_50: I take a prop microphone wherever I go. If a reporter sticks a mic in my face during a tragedy, I can pull out my own and return the favor.
@gerryhallcomedy: When you go to buy fire insurance for your house, don't tell them you need it by a certain date.