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@CourtneyBale: Fun prank: a chameleon exhibit with no chameleon.
@DirtMcTurd: Ex (trying to make me jealous): I'm going to a party, everyone's drinking, laughing, and having fun!
Me: that'll all stop once you show up
@mrjohndarby: [inventor of the snooze button]
ok, these alarm clocks are pretty good, let's add something to make them useless
@someofmybest: sorry to bodyshame, but ferrets have no business being that long
@GeminiJew: Hey bill collectors, nice try, but I don't even call back people I know.
@QuietPsycho: When you're dead, you have no idea you're dead. It's only difficult for other people.....
Much the same as when you're stupid.....