@huntigula: fun prank: go observe the newborns at the hospital & if someone asks which is yours say "I haven't decided yet" while sobbing uncontrollably
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@hammbone84: Neighbor: I always see your kids outside but hardly ever see you out there. Me: Oh, that's because my doors lock from the inside.
@dog_feelings: the human. who snuggled. my human. the other night. is here again. BUT. this time. however. they brought. my fren and i. treats.. we approve
@MarfSalvador: [Party] Her: *Nervous* I don't know anybody Him: It's ok I'll introduce you *into mic* hailing from Detroit & weighing in at I dunno 180lb