@DanMentos: Fun Prank: put a live turtle and a tiny pair of nunchucks in your toilet before your guests arrive
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@WritePlay: PRIEST: The couple has chosen to write their own vowels HER: Shouldn't it be - HIM: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
@stephenjmolloy: Marriage counsellor: What's the problem? Wife: He is so literal. It drives me mad. MC: And how do you feel, Stephen? Me: With my hands.
@DurtMcHurtt: Me: *quickly flips through each layer of a Big Mac like a wad of cash* McDonald's employee: [nervously assuring me] it's all there I swear.
@Turbo_Jimmy: *hostage situation* Our FIRST demand: we want more bullets because we ran out... NO DON'T COME IN HERE