@WarrenHolstein: FUN PRANK: Replace signs for Red Cross Blood Drive line with "iPhone 6 in Stock" and watch the shenanigans ensue.
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@Cheeseboy22: A cute thing I tell my kids when we see a dead deer on the side of the road is, "Looks like Santa lost his temper again."
@MissItAintMe: Today is awesome. I got pulled over by a cop on a bike. He even asked if I knew why he was "pulling me over" You need a ride! Duh
@LeBearGirdle: Me: [from table] garćon! *claps hands* another round for my date and me. McDonald's cashier: sir, you have to come to the counter to order
@EndhooS: Me: [Eating pizza for breakfast] Gym nerd: [pouring 8 flourescent powders into a gym bottle] I dunno how u can put that shit into your body