@bourgeoisalien: Fun prank: tell your kid World War II ended by the Americans dropping an F-bomb on Japan. Then later when his teacher calls, act shocked.
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@ninetek: If you're having luftballon problems I feel bad for you son I got 99 luftballons and whatever whatever I don't speak German
@Cheeseboy22: New Subway rule: You must give the person in front of you a wedgie if they take more than 5 seconds to choose what kind of bread they want.
@InternetHippo: LUCY: Dad, how did I get my name? [flashback] ME (signing contract in blood): Ok but can we at least shorten it? LUCIFER: That's fine
@SoulYodeler: Yes I am 45, male and love cats. Recently I posted a selfie. It could be worse though, right? Hello?