@bourgeoisalien: Fun prank: tell your kid World War II ended by the Americans dropping an F-bomb on Japan. Then later when his teacher calls, act shocked.
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@kcmoore51: Me: How was the party last night? 17: It was fun. The cops came. Me: What??? 17: Nah, it's cool. We got away. Me: That's my girl.
@LifesGoodThing: My wife and I toss a coin to settle arguments; heads she wins, tails I apologise.
@AlisonChrista: Bruce Banner is a genius scientist and he still can’t figure out how to make stretchy clothes?