@SocialExtortion: fun prank: text a girl "we need to talk right now" and then throw your phone into a river
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@sixfootcandy: Kidnappers: We have your husband. Send us $10,000 if you ever want to see him again. Me: Where I should drop off his clothes?
@poizngrl: If my children are any indication of how much I talk, I would now like to apologize to any man I've ever dated...EVER
@zachreinert03: My 5th grade teacher said my life would never be worth anything but my wife paid a homeless man $3 to kill me so suck it Mrs. Jacobsen
@Bob_Janke: If you ever feel silly for being on Twitter just remember there are people on national television asking "ghosts" questions.