@Hadzilla: FUN PRANK: tweet "going hang gliding!!!!" then don't tweet again for 12 years
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@theshamingofjay: A group of lions is called a pride. A group of my family members is called an embarrassment
@SteveSuckington: [high school reunion] "Hey aren't u the kid who used to lie and throw people under the bus all the time?" No that was Tyler.
@pixelatedboat: "We're out of options, I'll have to use the jetpack," I said, strapping on the jetpack and ignoring many non-jetpack options still available
@XplodingUnicorn: [watching "Cinderella"] 5-year-old: Why does she keep cleaning the floors? Me: Her stepsisters make her. 5: She should just buy a Roomba.