@DanMentos: FUN PRANK: when a stranger hands you their phone to take a picture of their family, take a selfie instead and also steal their phone
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@KentWGraham: After lengthy reflection, I’ve concluded that having kids wasn’t worth the seven times my son took out the garbage for me.
@TEXASVETERAN: Finishing up my time machine. Bolting down the flux capacitor now. I'll start small and go back a couple of seconds just to see if it works.
@lecalabara: "The 59th rule of Fight Club is, we cant park in the lot on Vermont anymore - The owner is being a jerk. Just find street parking. 60th..."
@Duke1173: I'm sitting here watching this married couple argue in this restaurant. Then their 8 year old says "oh great, dinner and a show." Priceless.