@MaryKoCo: Fun: text friend Are you alone right now? They go Yes. Then u text back LOL
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@donni: DEFENSE: Your Honor, will you allow my client to escape? JUDGE: I'll allow it PROSECUTOR: Aw WTF JUDGE: Let's see where he goes with this
@NurseMurderer: I want to put hot dogs on my fingers so I have extra long, floppy, hot dog fingers.
@dafloydsta: [marriage counseling] She thinks I'm foolish with money "He used our life savings to buy a tiger" YOU SAID YOU WANTED A CAT, KAREN
@Jay_FrickinLynn: Excuse me, ma'am. Your car doesn't make you invisible, but I am super impressed by how far you just got your finger up your nose.