@Jesssicle: Fun thing to do: Before leaving someone's house, ask them if you can take a roll of toilet paper "to go"
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@Dishy2101: Just stepped on the scale. Now I have to replace a broken window and add $467 to the curse word jar.
@crunchenhanced: [ In bed, trying to find a cold spot ] Ahhhh, there it is... Wife: Get off of me!!