@Jesssicle: Fun thing to do: Before leaving someone's house, ask them if you can take a roll of toilet paper "to go"
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@Sophie2078: If anything bites you, chain yourself in the basement for the next full moon. Just to be sure. *things I learned from horrors
@ventivodkacran: Unknown person parked their car in my driveway, now it's my car. That's how that works, right?
@TheCatWhisprer: My cat acts pretty tough for someone who disappears for 3 days anytime I sneeze.
@Matt_The_1st: "Dad, these glasses make everything look much bigger!" *Snatches glass and hands to my wife