@Jesssicle: Fun thing to do: Before leaving someone's house, ask them if you can take a roll of toilet paper "to go"
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@Cheeseboy22: Sure I could get off the couch & put new batteries in this remote but instead I am going to hold it high above my head & at different angles
@slooberbie: One of my wishes in life is to run across the Pacific Ocean in an air tight giant hamster ball.
@david8hughes: [meeting aboard the ISS space station] Capt: all personnel are-David sit down please Me trying to open a window cos it's stuffy: in a minute
@PortRooster: Niece (4): Uncle, what do you get if you mix blue and purple? Me: Blurple. *She walks away satisfied and amazed at all the things I "know"