@jenstatsky: FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: "Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?"
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@CorkyCrash: 11's thoughts on tonight's dinner: "Well, it didn't make me gag, so I ate it." The rewards of motherhood are truly breathtaking.
@Donnie_Fairburn: [Comes home and wife is laying in bed with Another Man] "Hey" Hi "Can I ask you something?" Yup "Why'd you name the dog 'Another Man' babe?"
@dshack8: Don't call me "Dad", please call me by my professional title, "Half-Eaten Food Connoisseur Broken Toy Engineer Butt-Wipeologist".
@BlindChow: Years ago I tried on my sister's bra, couldn't undo the clasp & was too embarrassed to ask for help. I'm still wearing it. I live in shame.