@jenstatsky: FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: "Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?"
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@SondraDeeMe: I was told my $750 iPhone would improve the quality of my phone calls, but my family keeps calling telling me the same shit.
@just1fool: Beer:"You know what would be funny?" Me:"No. What?" Beer:"Really? Finish me and have four more then I'll ask again." Me:"Yes, sir."
@Lpbinder: People who talk to themselves tend to be better lovers. Did you know that? Yes, I did know that. Thank you for asking.
@Vodkantots: As a Jew, I refuse to enter any steam room or sauna until I've seen other people come out.