@MonkeyinaDress: Waiter: Is Pepsi okay? Me: Is Kohl's cash okay?

@Swishergirl24: Parenting is all about multitasking. Like trying to brush your teeth while you're rock climbing.

@fro_vo: [interview] So your resume says you used to be in the theater yes that is correct What made you leave it? well, the movie ended so

@AintNoFamily: Why is everyone so obsessed with the idea of love? If you're dying to be hurt so badly, I've got a baseball bat for that.

@KeetRidley: If a tree falls in the woods and the wife's not there to witness it, it'll be my fault when i get home.