@AndyRichter: Fun to hear newscasters, while their chopper hovers over an active crime scene, scold people "the last thing the police need is spectators"
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@tastefactory: "It's gonna taste really good." - excerpt from the guide What To Expect When You're Expecting Pizza
@NathanBgood: They take Opposite Day seriously here at El Sol. I love sushi/getting paid to eat, but the dead mariachi band is something of a mood-killer.
@Neauxpe: A bunch of black dudes were standing in front of my gardening equipment. Bros before hoes.
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: Can you do what you want at work? Me: No, I have to listen to my boss. 4: Mom is at your work?