@AndyRichter: Fun to hear newscasters, while their chopper hovers over an active crime scene, scold people "the last thing the police need is spectators"
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@XplodingUnicorn: My 4-year-old is playing doctor with her baby dolls. She walked by a minute ago holding just a leg. Surgery didn't go well.
@imdaintyaf: I'm sorry I punched you in the face when you said "I love you". Intimacy scares me. And you said it to my sister.
@TheAlexNevil: 7: Where are you and Mom going tonight? Me: To meet with your teacher. 7: Oh, you don't need to. I already saw her today.
@HatfieldAnne: First 20 minutes driving through farm country: "Isn't this pretty?" Next 3 hours: *can't remember a life before corn*