@sara_ashlynn: Fun trick: Swap guacamole with wasabi, then watch.
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@TheMichaelRock: Look, all I'm saying is that the dinosaurs didn't drink alcohol and look what happened to them.
@kcmoore51: I hate when my wife says her friend at work "got flowers again today" and I have to kill that chick's husband.
@BunAndLeggings: Me: [struggling with 4 kids at grocery store] Lady: you have your hands full Me: the little one is great with cats Lady: what? Me: you can take one Lady: *nervous laugh* Me: they love old people Lady: *walking away* Me: take one, please!
@weinerdog4life: Maybe I have a bunny in my pants, maybe that's why I'm putting this salad in my pockets, you don't know me.