@iamledgin: Fun typo: "You ate the most important thing in my life."
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@DothTheDoth: Mulder: it's some sort of over-fed grim reaper judgment figure. Scully: we're at the mall, Mulder. That's just Santa.
@summerofbenny: I avoid being photographed at events held at my apartment complex. I don't need someone pointing to a picture and saying,"That's him."
@NickSchug: I woke up in the middle of the night and wrote "dentists are liars" into my phone. Not really sure what the plan is with that.
@XplodingUnicorn: My daughters took turns tracing each other over and over with chalk. Now it looks like 25 children were murdered in my driveway.