@TheThomason: Fun way to make someone question everything: comment "you are so brave" on all their selfies.
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@revenge_tanukis: It takes a smoke detector 4 months to stop beeping if you were wondering how lazy I am.
@Miltgen: *Job interview* "Im gonna need you to pee in this cup" *hands boss full cup* "Let's start the interview" *boss just sips it the whole time*
@Dutch_50: I'm at that age where I can't simply pick something up, I need to first knock it over and then pick it up.
@RickAaron: I had a fountain drink at the mall today. All those pennies make the water taste terrible.