@vanluvz1: Funny how the closer I get to the bar the friendlier I become.
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@bees_wingz: I was trying to get the bubbles out of my screen protector and I accidentally bought a horse on eBay.
@baeblacksheep: If laughing is good for you because you use 15 muscles, think how healthy you'll be if you're breaking a chair on someone's head every day.
@farleftcoast: A jogger just yelled at me for accidentally blowing pot smoke in his face. So I yelled at him for making me feel fat.
@mrtruthandsoul: Superman: Where's Batman? Wonder Woman: *shrugs* Firestorm: I dunno Green Lantern: ... Superman: Oh shit, we forgot Batman can't fly again!!