@longwall26: Funny how we say "I drank a *pot* of coffee" instead of "I drank fourteen cups of coffee and chased the cat around the hot tub with a sword"
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@iRowlf: It's pretty rude how they'll kick you out of the hospital just for using a defibrillator to make a grilled cheese sandwich.
@BCMontgo: I was going through a stack of yearbooks yesterday when I saw I was voted "Most Likely to Steal all These Damn Yearbooks".
@truegritrumble: GUY WHO INVENTED JACK-O-LANTERNS: I bet this gourd would be cooler if it looked like it wanted to murder me.