@kidphonic: Funny how you can tell a child Santa is made up and they accept it immediately, but you tell an adult God is made up, and they throw a fit.
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@ehchino: [Couples counseling] "It's not good to keep these things bottles up, you know" Okay, fine *opens jar of wasps*
@Kyle1092: So I neutered my car yesterday "You, what?" Neutered my car "..." It's another word for fixed "I wish I never gave you that thesaurus"
@ThaJawn: "No, there's no way!" I totally could "No you couldn't!" *slams the rest of his beer* I can and I will -the first guy to ride an ostrich
@kwirkyKerri: You don't need to threaten me into submission. Just hold some cheesecake under my nose.