@mattytalks: Funny that Lebron couldn't even finish a game due to cramps when RoboCop saved all of Detroit without even having his own legs
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@crushingbort: Ben Carson's book includes a story about single-handedly halting a bear attack during a school camping trip
@ShesARealGenius: On your first day in prison, make sure you go up to the warden and compliment the décor.
@Andee_Stewart: Based on the amount of tools I've dated, you'd think I got a deal at The Home Depot
@Tommytoughstuff: "Have a seat" *Turns on video of son eating pizza with a fork and knife.* "Dad I..." **Dad puts up hand* "Please don't call me that."