@mattytalks: Funny that Lebron couldn't even finish a game due to cramps when RoboCop saved all of Detroit without even having his own legs
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@DaHess1: My wife and I do this cute thing where she sends me pics of kitchen towels she can't decide on buying and I google my life expectancy.
@naazihah: Cop: *looks at license* Says here you need glasses. Me: I have contacts. Cop: I don't care who you know, you're not getting out of this one.
@daemonic3: [at therapist] I don't know, sometimes I just feel invisible Therapist: WHO SAID THAT?!?
@serialmatrix: God: sends you to hell for aborting your 'child'.nGod: killed his only son.nAnd that, ladies & gentlemen, is religion in a nutshell.