@BlackenedTrail: Funny women are smart. Be careful.
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@AnkCoupleTO: [police lineup] Cop: Do you see the guy who ate your plants? Me: Nope Cop: *waving leaf* Wildebeest step forward? WB: *drooling* Goddamnit
@heatherlou_: Planning on buying my daughter a Volvo so she’s safe but with a mismatched door so she gets the struggle.
@LauraBenanti: I wore a leather jacket into a vegan restaurant and now I'm hiding in the bathroom.